"I'm trying to contain an outbreak here and you're driving the monkey to the airport."
"What's great about being an old person, is you never have to really pick up a suitcase anymore if you don't want to. You can always say, 'Will you help me with that?' And it's, 'Oh, yeah, sure, give me that, where you going?' People will carry anything for you."
"Ultimately no amount of engineering is going to overcome the forces of nature"
"It must be really sad to be an unpainted canvas."
"Sometimes I'm afraid this is not a work of fiction."
"Francis Bacon discovered the Scientific Method. Why didn't they call it the Scientific Bacon?"
"Once you put on your pack, you can never turn back."
"roses are red, violets are blue, the pool is yellow, what did you do?"
"It's not about being paranoid, but it's about being very aware, and very alert."
"Stupidity is like nuclear power, it can be used for good or evil. And, you don't want to get any on you."
"If it's yellow let it mellow. If it's brown, flush it down."
"Go down [to the blind-man store] and get some yourself. There is a sign that says take one, but you can take more - he can't see you."
"You know black and white would just capture the moment so nicely."
"The only good motorcycle jump is one that ends in failure."
"Just make a sound like a wild doughnut."
"This information cannot leave this room, OK? It would devastate my reputation as a dude."
"You tried, and you failed miserably...the lesson is, never try."
"Remember Rehab is for quitters and quitters never win."
"When you grow up, your heart dies."
"Walking around in New York barefoot... snow is the least of your problems."
"Nothing corrupts like faith. And nothing fails like prayer."
"Thanks for not getting irate and screaming at me, because a lot of people do"